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Becoming a family caregiver can be overwhelming. Many caregivers know nothing about their loved one’s health condition before it emerges. New caregivers usually do not know how to provide for the full range of physical/mental needs of their loved one. Even after the health condition strikes and a “new normal” begins to take shape, the family caregiver often discovers that their loved one’s condition has changed, leading to increased uncertainty and new caregiving requirements. Family caregivers have no choice but to “figure things out,” over and over again, regardless of how overwhelmed they may feel.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s understandable. You didn’t ask to be in this position. Nor did your loved one. You may not know what tomorrow brings. You may not know how you’re going to figure things out.
But you can.
Although you may not completely know how to do be a caregiver for your loved one, you can learn. That’s one of the most important messages I can share with you.
Sometimes I will ask family caregivers how it feels to know they can learn how to be a better caregiver. They usually reply that it makes them feel less overwhelmed, more confident, more determined.
So how do you learn to be a better family caregiver?
The Pattern of Caregiver Development was created in response to this question. It’s anchored in adult learning theory and applied to the context of family caregiving. It depicts caregiver learning as a process, not a product. It emphasizes the factors involved in how family caregivers develop their capacity to meet the needs of a loved one with a serious illness, disability, or other age-related health condition.
For most family caregivers, this pattern of learning and development happens unconsciously. Unless you’re a learning theorist, you may not ever think about such things.
However, as a learning theorist myself, I will tell you that raising consciousness of the Pattern of Caregiver Development leads many family caregivers to become more adaptable and confident in their efforts, thereby accelerating growth into their emerging role.
The Pattern of Caregiver Development
The Pattern of Caregiver Development is a model that depicts growth into a family caregiver role through recurring facets of 1) being, 2) connecting, 3) trying, 4) adjusting, and 5) committing.
BEING is the personal component of the pattern of caregiver development; it partly answers the question of ‘who’ is involved in the caregiving experience. Being references you, just as you are, as half of the caregiving dyad. Being implies that not only are you present and but you bring your whole self to caregiving—your personality, your likes and dislikes, your background and knowledge, your ways of acting and reacting to things. “Being you” is where the pattern of caregiver development begins because without you, there is no caregiver.
- What personal traits and qualities do you bring to caregiving?
- What have you learned about the importance of being present as a caregiver?
CONNECTING is the relational component of the pattern of caregiver development, and it fully addresses the question of ‘who’ is involved in the caregiving experience. Connecting encompasses the interpersonal dynamics between the caregiver and the care receiver. As your loved one’s health condition changes over time, your methods of connecting may also evolve through the trajectory of caregiving.
- What does connecting with your care receiver mean to you?
- How have the ways of connecting with your care receiver changed over time?
TRYING is the behavioral component in the pattern of caregiver development; it answers the question of ‘what’ care is to be provided by the caregiver to the care receiver. This component’s emphasis is on the action taken by the caregiver, regardless of whether or not you are successful in delivering necessary care. As your loved one’s health condition persists over time, trying continues to be an integral part of be(com)ing the caregiver your loved one needs.
- Why is trying an ongoing aspect of your caregiving experience?
- What is a care-related task which, thanks only to trying, you can now perform?
ADJUSTING is the experimental component of the pattern of caregiver development; it answers the question of ‘how’ care is to be provided by the caregiver to the care receiver. Adjusting reflects an iterative process of making regular adaptations to your efforts after learning what works and what does not work in the delivery of care. Adjusting revolves around trying, failing, and trying again until the satisfactory caregiving approach is found. Adjusting is evident across the range of ongoing actions taken and decisions made by caregivers in support of loved ones.
- How important have adjustments been in assisting your care receiver?
- What adjustments will be required to further provide for your care receiver?
- What adjustments may be necessary for you to better care for yourself?
COMMITTING is the motivational component of caregiver development and answers the question of ‘why’ you continue to remain involved in care for a loved one. Frequently family caregivers are motivated by love for the care receiver, but sometimes they provide care due to finances, a sense of duty, or a lack of alternatives. Motivational factors sometimes change for caregivers, but committing implies a recurring and conscious decision to continue in a caregiver role while your loved one requires assistance.
- How does your original motivation to begin caregiving compare to your current motivation to provide ongoing care today?
- How has your enduring commitment to caregiving changed your perspectives?
If you’re struggling to meet the demands of family caregiving, please remember that there is no one like you in your relationship with your loved one. Your growth into the caregiver role, marked by the recurring pattern of caregiver development, will enable you to prevail in your efforts to provide care to the person who needs you.
All the best to you and your loved one.
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Dr. Blight travels across the globe to facilitate knowledge and insights among caregivers. If you wish to invite him to an event in your community, please contact us.
Posted in Caregiving, Family Caregiving
